I used to fear change so much so that I would choose to be miserable before I would choose to rock the boat. I stayed at the same church, worked in the same job, continued in the same major during college, and various other “same” things that maybe, weren’t always what was best. Last week on LWM, I talked about how now, I’m dealing with a lack of change in my life. I thought for sure that last year would be my final year teaching in the classroom–surely my persistence to gain a virtual position and have more availability to my son and writing career would prevail, right? Wrong.
I started thinking to myself in the last few weeks that I need to learn to accept things I cannot change at the moment. The serenity prayer came to mind. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Some things, I have control over. I always had control about leaving my church, changing my major. But some things, like this job opportunity that passed me by, I have no control over. I gave it my best.
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I tried not to get my hopes up. Really, I tried. But then I started picturing the availability I’d have when my in-laws decide to up and go on vacation. I imagined the things I’d get to do around the house to prepare for the holidays because I’d be working there and forced to see it rather than ignore it. I thought about the time I would have to write. I envisioned calling and emailing parents and students—something I’m good at—and grading a curriculum that is set for me, instead of inventing units from scratch. I thought I would be a good fit. I care about students, and students who enroll in virtual school, a lot of times, need that extra care, communication, and push.
Well, I didn’t get the job. And even though I’m excited about the new year at a school where I’ve been since its doors opened, I can’t help but feel a little gypped. I’ve waited for this. I’m qualified. My son needs me around more often. Why couldn’t I have just gotten the damn job?
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Continue at Working Mom Struggle…